zhenyee's BC

into love,
when i met you

20080617

i hate my self.
seriously i do.
you tell me everything.
you tell me how happy you are.
you tell me i'm good.
but you know,
i feel terrible inside.
like it's tearing me apart.
'm not a good..not good enough for you.
i only know how to make you mad..
only know how to make some useless gifts..
and because of me..your dad scolds you more..

i'm scared of this and that..it makes me look stupid huh.
guess sometimes you find it irritating and sian for comforting me.
i dun blame you i seriously dun.
it's just that the expression and the way you ans me makes me feel this way..
'm sensitive ya..i noe..
i feel like killing myself..or may i could pull out some of my sensitivity nerve so that i wun feel any thing.
and believe that i'm a good gf for you.

i feel useless and very xin tong when you typed out evey sentence in that convo..
you were trying to cheer me up and trying to tell me it's your fault..
but have you really think why i'm feeling this way..
have you think bout do i really make you happy.
i feel i don't...

i'm not as great as how other ppl think i am as you gf..
on the surface you are the one who makes me cry..
but underneath i'm the one torturing you.
you dunn look happy to me sometimes..
you tell me you are not and smile at me..
you hug me but i feel nothing..
that how pathetic i am.
you claim you never think of how i feel.
tht cause you dun really even noe how i feel.
and i guess mi dun really noe you that well..the you inside your heart..
i nv knew..

zhenyee.
i hate myself for suffering due to my silliness.
sometimes i feel that you may be better off without me.